It is now 2017 and many are thinking about life changes, goals and resolutions. From losing weight, finding a new job, traveling more or even to quite a bad habit.
While I do not do resolutions, I have been thinking. A lot of thinking. December was a very dark month for me. Both my depression and anxiety kicked in and I was officially just overwhelmed mentally and emotionally.
Our family has sacrificed so much and while being content with life necessities, we still struggle. Pay check to pay check as so many do nowadays. Hubby did a job change that has potential to bring in more but in the mean time, we are not meeting ends. We are behind on so many things.
Just one example is DIVA’s dance tuition. In fact, my car broke down and instead of paying for the repairs; we paid the studio so she could finish the season and I have been without a car for almost two months now. And I still have to pull her out of dance just so we can pay off the balance.
We don’t even have a real home as we have been living in an extended stay for too long (in our 3rd year) and finding a place that is safe, clean, in a desirable neighborhood and in our price range has been impossible. Did I mention this post was going to be honest and raw?
And while the “simple” answer would be, hey; I’ll go back to work so we can have two incomes going in. That is not so simple in an Autism household. Lil Man is non-verbal and was already being injured when he was in school and I can NOT send him back. Not to mention the time off that would be needed for Dr appointments, therapies, getting sick or meltdowns that would be needed. Can we say your fired?
So December was hard. Really hard. I knew the end of dance was coming up and I have felt such horrible mom guilt all month. Then with it being Christmas season, all you see is the ‘feel good’ stories of this person or family getting this or that. And while I am happy for said people, I also would feel jealous and hurt. Once your mind goes this way, it is very hard to get out of this dark place.
One way I am moving forward is to not ignore these issues but grow on them. 2016 is over and done with and 2017 is here. As I reflect back on 2016, you might say it was one of the worst years that we have lived through yet. Maybe this is true for you too? But if you look at 2016 from a more personal view it might have been a more successful year than you thought.
Take a moment to look at all the things you’ve accomplished (small & big/ professional & personal) and bounced back from. Was it a pretty solid year for you, despite all the craziness going on in the world? See what happens when you change your perspective on situations. Shift your mindset and take all the lessons you’ve learned and apply them to this year and you will be nothing short of success.
So what was a negative, take the strength you displayed to get through can be a force toward the goal for moving forward and changing the situation.
I NEED to make changes for the benefit of my family. Two kids who need me and rely on me. A husband to shoulders the sole burden of being our provider. Things must change and that means I need to change. You can’t expect life to change if you don’t right?
So with that I hope this explains where I’ve been from a personal level and that this also means some exciting things are coming for Autism, a DIVA & Dance. So stay tuned for the next big announcement.
© Autism, a DIVA & Dance
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